How many times have we heard that phrase? Hundreds? Tens of thousands? TRILLIONS? Allow me to answer that with a question or three of my own: Do I LOOK like a f*cking mathematician? NO…how many mathematicians do you know who are this hot? (Even with what has to be the most stubborn body rash known to man…and perhaps an extra pound or 50 of TEMPORARY winter weight.)
The point is, people say it all the time.
Parents: “Count your blessings, son!”
Old, street-smart men: “Son, count yo’ blessings!”
Even tweens text: “Cnt ur blssngs!” (Though in THIS blogger’s opinion, “blssngs” is hardly a worthwhile abbreviation, and “cnt” is cutting it dangerously close. Yeah, you know exactly what I mean.)
Regardless, I actually took some time to cnt my blsngs (WAY more concise, thank you very much), so I’m proud to present my own list! Note, however, that I’ve been accused of losing interest/getting sidetracked somewhat easily, so if this isn’t quite as exhaustive as you were expecting, don’t worry: it will get…motherf*ck, how can a rash spread through a penicillin-calamine lotion PASTE?!?! Huh?!? Umm…where was I? Oh, right…
My List of Every Blessing Ever Bestowed Upon Me in My Whole Entire Life
1. I didn’t die in my sleep last night.
2. The rash hasn’t spread to every part of my body yet.
3. It’s winter so I can hide my miniscule weight-gain behind “big and tall” sweaters.
4. Though those are starting to get a little snug.
5. Is the Snuggie work-appropriate wear?
6. I’m kinda hungry.
7. And itchy.
8. OK, new priorities for the evening, starting NOW: 1) Raid the fridge, 2) Raid the medicine cabinet, 3) Lay out Snuggie for work tomorrow.
Show your lists! Show your lists! Koz and BurghLife want to see your lists o’ blessings. Post ’em as a reply below or go to our Facebook page to let BurghLifers know what you appreciate in life — feel free to make ’em funny, serious, or otherwise.